The Young Man Who Stands Before Me

Personal Essay by Lida Woodul

Sometimes I feel like I am the luckiest mom in the world! Not only has my son  Aaron, grown into a charming, stable and successful senior high school student, he has taught me some of the most valuable lessons in my life. Oh and by the way – yes – he has attention deficit.

No one in this world is perfect. His diagnosis of ADHD at age five proved that to me because surely my only child would be perfect if any person could be! Reality is that each of us has different challenges which we grapple with in our daily lives. We were just lucky enough to have someone tell us how we could help Aaron. His struggles with focus, changing tasks and general self control  issues were not deliberate misbehavior. We were not bad parents, our greatest fear. Nor were we spoiling our only child, our parents’ greatest fear! Diagnosis was a huge part of the answer for our family because it gave us the opportunity to learn about ADHD. My husband and I were able to make some necessary changes to our household to help Aaron. Through our own education, we were all able to see the positive aspects of ADHD as well as the negative.

Always try to face disaster with a sense of humor. How could such a smart boy make such risky decisions? He truly seemed like an accident waiting to happen. We visited the hospital emergency room for stitches and/or x-rays nine times by the time Aaron was five years old. I began to think that this was normal boyish behavior. During this time we learned as a family to handle these emergencies with as much humor as we could muster at the time. Now, many years later, we laugh about them. Aaron also has the distinction among his friends of having received the most stitches at any one time.

Planning ahead makes all the difference. As difficult as the physical emergencies were, the emotional meltdowns were worse. Our attempt to attend large family get-togethers, rodeos or other large gatherings were disasters. The over stimulation began a cycle of hyperactivity that we were powerless to stop. Once we became more assertive in planning what was best for our own family, we were able to once again enjoy these activities, although in smaller bites. Learning how to anticipate problems and take steps to prevent them is a critical tool for the parent of a child with attention deficit. After all of these years, I could probably be certified to predict earthquakes in California!

Kids are people too! Whether they are six or sixteen years old, kids need to be successful. Kids with attention deficit need extra help to take advantage of the opportunities that come their way. Medications can make a real difference in classroom performance. Organization materials help tame the wildest room and study area. Behavior modifications can help kids learn to take control of their own actions. There are times when each and every kid needs to take a break from day to day thoughts and concerns. Some play computer games, some listen to music, some get involved with more dangerous things. Thankfully, Aaron’s method of escape is a safe one, into a world of words. He spends part of his spare time reading and writing fiction.

I don’t want you to think that the last 17 years have been easy for us. There were many days that I seriously wondered whether we would ever survive in one piece, family intact. There were struggles over homework, struggles with medical issues, struggles over behavior and sometimes we just did not like each other very much. But we’ve made it so far.

There are no guarantees for the future. But whatever is around the corner for us, I will always remember the young man who stands before me now. I know that all the hard work was worth it.

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