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I
Can Do It All!
Personal Essay by Meredith Ford “Why am I so stupid?”
“Why are my friends so much smarter than I am?”
“It doesn’t matter how long I study, I still don’t do well.”
“Why bother?” These are
the questions I have asked myself over and over again for a number of years. In elementary school I
couldn’t read as well as some of the other kids. I used to hate it when my teachers would call on me to read
aloud. I read much slower than the
other kids and tended to insert words where there were none and leave out words
that were there. I would edit the
books as I read! How creative!
My elementary teachers told my mom not to worry, that the reading skills
would probably kick in at any time. I
was making A’s and B’s so no one paid too much attention.
There were other kids in my class doing much more poorly. By the fourth grade, the
reading never “kicked in” and my mom took me to be tested for learning
differences. After six hours of
taking tests, reading aloud, doing puzzles, explaining pictures, and trying to
spell, I was diagnosed as dyslexic. This
didn’t really help my confidence; it just gave me an excuse.
In middle school things became a little bit harder.
My grades slipped but I continued to hang on.
I knew I was in a hard school and that I had a “learning difference,”
but it was still not easy for me to keep up.
I seemed to study harder and do worse than most of my classmates. When I began high school it
became clear to me that I wasn’t “as smart” as my peers.
With each passing year it became more difficult.
I had no confidence in myself. I
hated going to school, all my classes were really boring, and it didn’t really
seem to matter how hard I tried, I still made mediocre to poor grades.
I hated going to class and doing my work. In class I was always afraid that the teachers would call on
me. Before tests, despite the fact
that I knew the material, I would freeze up and get a stomachache.
I would generally do poorly
on the test. This made me feel like
no matter how hard I tried I still could not get anything right.
My teachers would just tell me that I needed to focus more and study
harder. They thought that I just wasn’t trying. Everything seemed impossible.
Things reached an all time
low during my junior year, when I failed the first semester of Algebra II.
I began to wonder if I could make it through school and actually
graduate. I did finish my junior
year with passing grades but it was a real struggle for me.
I was dreading my senior year and wondering if I could actually make it
in college. The summer after my junior
year a miracle happened. I was
tested by a different doctor and diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
and put on medication. Little did I
know at the time what a huge impact this would have on my life.
I began my senior year and for the first time in my life I actually
enjoyed class. After the first
week, I felt like I could “do it all!”
I didn’t mind studying at home. When
I read my schoolwork, I actually understood it and could remember it.
I wanted to participate in class, and I could actually study for hours at
a time. No longer did I feel
“stupid”. As a matter of fact,
I was making better grades than some of my friends.
This was a first! Now, I enjoy studying and going to class. I like the discussions I have with my teachers in class and want to sit on the first row rather than hide in the back of the class. When studying for a test or writing a paper, I actually believe that I am able to make an A! For the first time in my life I am good at school and I feel the way that “normal” people feel! Become a member to receive our newsletter.
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